On weeks when Sid Simon has no theater news, we just might run one of his phone calls to a granddaughter. They are little "plays;" after all, he is a consummate theater person.
Sophia- You look tired, Grampa.
Grampa- Not really, I'm just old.
Sophia- Did you get enough sleep last night?
Grampa- No. I stayed up too late reading, but I did set my alarm, so I cold get here to your house on time.
Sophia- Yeah, that sure could explain it. But, it worries me when you look tired.
Grampa- Well, I'm not out to win "The Face-Lift Prize" in the New England Contest for the best face in the 85 year old category.
Sophia- Is there really such a contest? And is it like Miss America? Do you have to play the violin, and wear a bathing suit?
Grampa- Oh, it's even more demanding than that. You have to prove that you know the Capitals of all 50 States.
Sophia- Well, I know Vermont, Massachusetts, New York and Florida.
Grampa- I know you're smart, but let me tell you something that might improve your character.
Sophia- Oh, Grampa, you're not going to give me Constructive Criticism.
Grampa- No. I'm not even going to give any Constructive Crudicism.
Sophia- Very funny, Mr. Spoonerism. What do you want teach me, oh ancient one.
Grampa- I want to offer an alternative to telling someone that they look tired.
Sophia- I'm sorry, Grampa. I just wanted to help.
Grampa- I know that, Sweetheart. But the next time I look tired, could you just
maybe say, "Grampa, could I give you a temple massage, or do you need to talk to me about something that's heavy on your mind?
Sophia- I hear you. Now sit up straight, feel my magic hands and listen to your temples say, thanks, thanks, thanks.